he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
