for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
