I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize