She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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