At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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