I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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