In the future we'll all be gay
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize