We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
