So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
