You just made me feel so damn special
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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