You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
is it fun? or sober?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
