Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
