Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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