Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
