You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
