So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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