he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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You. Win. At. Life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
