Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
