At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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