Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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