Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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