Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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