Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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