I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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