My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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