Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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