you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
