I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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