forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
