Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
