the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
