Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
