If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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