the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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