So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
