I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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