We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
