: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats