Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED