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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

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• (315): View more from New York

  dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird

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• (917): View more from New York City

  My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!

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• (904): View more from Florida

  We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!

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