3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police