is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.