If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.