can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!