Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
