I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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