It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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