More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
