just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
