don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
