I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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