i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
