Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize