Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
