Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
