Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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