The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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