he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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