I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
