Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
