She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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