I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
