She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
