I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
