Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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