Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we're so committed to being not committed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
