..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
