Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
