It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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