I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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