and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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