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• (669): View more from California

  sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  She said my penis was powerful and magnificent

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