I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
