the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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