So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
