If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This toilet bowl is my home.
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