Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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