Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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