I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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